Planning on escaping Facebook? How many times this month have you found yourself complaining about how toxic social media is? And how many times have you said that you would just delete it, if not for [insert reason here]? I’ve been there. I know how you feel, but I also know how it feels to be on the other side of the social media monster, and I’d like to tell you about it.
“I’ve been there…”
-Former Facebook addict
So if you are anything like me, you’ve uttered the above complaints many times. Two years ago, I complained about how time consuming social media was, lamented how convenient Facebook marketplace was, and boasted how I “barely” used it anyway. I was also one of those self-righteous users who knew it was going to be nothing but trouble years ago, and made sure everyone knew how wise I was early on. (Yet I still used multiple platforms…? But I digress.)
Now it is true that I was not addicted to social media like a stereotypical teen who runs into telephone poles. You see, I was “better” than them. (Catching a theme here about my personality? I’m working on one thing at a time.) I seldom posted on Facebook, used Instagram even less, and only had Twitter for one college class before losing my password in 2009. I assume that account is purged, but please don’t judge me if you find it. However, after years of complaining, I finally decided to do something about it one day. First step, I deleted the apps off my phone. Nothing drastic, just the instant access was gone.
And the strangest thing happened. You may be thinking that I was instantly cured of my addiction, and you are marveling at my fortitude. But you would be wrong. Instead, I started clicking the empty space on my phone screen where the apps had once been, specifically Facebook.
Not just once or twice. Oh no. Multiple times a day. When I woke up. In line for coffee. At the office during the morning meeting…and afternoon meeting…several times at the afternoon meeting. And then in bed that night.
The next day I laughed about it. Until I kept doing it. This went on FOR. A. WEEK. I was so addicted to this app, the same app that I thought I rarely used, that my fingers took a week to reprogram. However, by the end of the week, I had solved the problem. I saved my password on my phone browser (refer to this article on the privacy issues with that), so deleting the app simply downgraded my user experience slightly, and did nothing for my actual usage.
So I identified social media was clearly an issue. The next step was going to be finding out what to do about it.
When I finally decided I definitely wanted to let go of social media, I had to do two things. First, solidify my reasons for getting rid of it, and then confront my excuses to keep it.
WHY Delete Social Media
1. Privacy concerns
Obviously, on a privacy blog, this would be the chief concern. Social media has a way of infiltrating the most intimate parts of your life and then billboard displaying them for the world without us noticing. A check-in at your favorite Friday date night turns into an opportunity for a thief at your empty house. Birthday wishes give out personally identifiable information. Proposal pictures become dollar signs to the greedy who are eyeing your jewelry box. Just a few posts a year of important moments is all it takes to create a privacy and security disaster.
2. Addiction concerns
It may seem like a joke to talk about being addicted to Facebook, but after my experiment, it no longer felt like a joke to me. How many moments of my life was I missing because my hand absent-mindedly kept opening my phone to scroll social media? How often was I a target at my favorite coffee shop because I couldn’t keep my phone in my pocket?
If my scrolling was happening that often without my notice, what other issues was this causing me? It is well documented that social media use is linked to higher rates of mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Some have postulated this is from feeling left out of activities you wouldn’t have otherwise known about without a Facebook post, while others blame the algorithms for stoking the fears and concerns of people by curating their news feeds to that end. Regardless of the reasons why, any addiction is going to have ripple effects in your life, even if they are less obvious than a chemical dependency.
3. Time concerns
The older I get, the more important my time has become. As I assessed my social media usage, I realized I didn’t want to spend my time there. I no longer wanted fake internet relationships with my friends, or living vicariously through someone else’s vacations. But keeping my accounts open was keeping me stuck in those cycles.
So. I definitely wanted off social media. But how was I going to deal with all my excuses? Here are the top four ways I dealt with my excuses, and left social media behind for good (you know, at least for as long as I hold myself accountable to my own advice!).
HOW to get off social media
The first step was accounting for each excuse or reason for staying plugged into social media. This first reason was the hardest for me to confront:
1. Family/friend photos you’ll “never” get to see otherwise.
I only had about 300 Facebook friends, half of which would have made for better LinkedIn connections, but I had about 10 family members and friends that I only kept in touch with through Facebook. A cousin who longer spoke to me, but posted her children’s pictures; a half sister who lived across the country but never communicated directly with me; a co-worker I missed but knew that I would never see again. I’m sure you have your own stories like these. But I realized this was not real. I was holding onto relationships that were not healthy for me. If I really cared about those kids, I needed to repair my relationship with their mother. If I really cared about my sister, I needed to text her first. Yes, there will be pictures I miss, events I’m not aware of, and posts I never see. But calling or texting those same people can and often elicits much more intimate details and pictures. Perhaps less often, and certainly taking up more of my time. But definitely worth it.
2. I can’t delete Facebook because of the marketplace.
This one hardly needs a response. Yes, I had the same excuse. But that’s what this one is, an excuse. Next door, craigslist, and eBay all have the same capabilities without the addictive appeal (for most people). And there are even more options out there, you simply have to find the one that works for you. Once the up front work of finding that solution is over, you will hardly miss marketplace, trust me.
3. That one group who still uses “only” Facebook messenger.
This excuse gets me so riled up. I definitely got caught up in this several times before I saw the trap. But this is totally bogus. Messenger is certainly a convenient tool if everyone in a group has Facebook in common, and events are super simple to plan through a Facebook group invite. But this is by far not the only convenient option on the market.
Good old-fashioned stationary is a wonderful option for many occasions.
Stamps do cost quite a bit these days, but doesn’t it feel good to open a nice letter among the bills? Call me an old lady, but I still love writing a personalized note or invite, putting a sticker on the seal, and adding a custom return address label.
Sign up genius is also great tool combined with a group or mass copy text. As an example, I just recently received a Christmas invite, and it looked so simple. My cousin sent a text with details that were obviously copied for everyone, and then included a sign up genius link for the meal items. That way, there were no mass text notifications going off, and I got to see who was bringing what by going to one link. There are many options on the market for similar ideas, but you get the point. It’s just about being creative. And if you are one of those people trying to force people into a Facebook Messenger group still, shame on you, time to get creative!
4. I’ll lose all my pictures and posts over the years.
This one has my favorite solution. First, you do have to resolve to going back to the old way of taking pictures and printing them off if you want to see them often. Unless you have unlimited cloud storage linked to your phone perhaps, which comes with its own privacy issues of course. But if you are like me and don’t want to lose years of personal content, Facebook has a little known feature to download your data in totality. Posts, comments, pictures, you name it. The format isn’t super easy to navigate, but it does provide a downloadable file to keep as a memory, transfer to another technology for use, or just have as a “diary” backup. I’m still deciding how to use mine, but after two years, I have found I rarely think about it. And I have really enjoyed printing pictures at the local Walgreens again. I know, I’m an old lady…moving on…
WHAT Happens Now?
Now, if you are sitting where I was two years ago, you are thinking, what does this actually look like? Your steps might look different than mine, but I’ll share what I did as a reference and hopefully an encouragement that it can be done.
First, I deleted the accounts I had no interest in. Instagram went, I literally had seven photo posts. Snapchat went as well, I had only ever used it for a few younger co-workers that peer pressured me into it (because I was a weak target I suppose, but I’ll never admit that, so don’t tell anyone). LinkedIn I kept for work, but I ACTUALLY only use it for work, so for now, it stays.
Then, came the hard one. Facebook. First, I downloaded my data, then I deactivated my account. This was my way of leaving the door open to changing my mind. Perhaps not the best approach for everyone, but it worked for me. The longer I didn’t use it, the freer I felt. I had more down time, so I started reading more often at night or in waiting rooms. I didn’t feel constantly mad about politics, and sometimes forgot to even check the news on a given day. After about two months I pulled the trigger one day and deleted my account. It felt like a graduation, honestly.
Two years in, and no regrets. I don’t get upset when I talk about it. I don’t feel grief over lost connections, if anything I feel closer to the friends and family I have. I also no longer get huffy when I discuss the dangers of social media, which is interesting. I think the fear of judgment and hypocrisy is gone, so now I just think about the dangers of Facebook without feeling any emotional pressure about it one way or another. Occasionally I am locked out of a website or other technology because I don’t have any social media accounts to link, and that is annoying, but so far not a deal breaker. For instance, my husband can’t use his Oculus any more, so we gave it away. Sometimes I can’t read all the online business information for a local small business because their only online presence is Facebook. But I can usually at least get a phone number which is enough.
All in all, I feel so much better. There are certainly some adjustments. I actually have to reach out to people to get invited to events or plan things, and sometimes that can feel overwhelming or isolating when I dwell on it. However, most days, I don’t even think about what I am “missing” out on, and I’ve slowly learned how to navigate the world again, sans social media, by having real connections again.
Goodbye, Facebook!
Two years ago, I said goodbye to Facebook, and I haven’t looked back. I hope you join me, but no pressure if you don’t. I’ll just heckle you from the next self-righteous hill I find. Next step…not being so self-righteous…I think I might need counseling for that one.
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